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Thread: Todays Chuckle

  1. #191
    Rolling Along OurNewEra's Avatar
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    My DW, and myself, loves lists! We have a couple of lists for different types of projects. When I tell her I want to do something she'll say, "That's not on our lists." I reply with, "It's on my Willie Nelson list. It's always on my mind."

    I have a very long Willie Nelson list.
    Mike & Lisa
    Central Florida
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    1996 Chevy K3500 Crew SRW 7.4L Gas

  2. #192
    Big Traveler
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    For NHL fans

    Click image for larger version. 

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    2018 Dodge 3500 6.7 Cummins SRW w/Aisin
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  3. #193
    Big Traveler
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    A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country......
    2018 Dodge 3500 6.7 Cummins SRW w/Aisin
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  4. #194
    Big Traveler
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    Lasers were a huge scientific breakthrough. Now we use them to play with cats.

    Computers were also a huge scientific breakthrough. Now we use them to look at cats.

    Conclusion: Science was made for cats.
    2018 Dodge 3500 6.7 Cummins SRW w/Aisin
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  5. #195
    Rolling Along OurNewEra's Avatar
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    Sticker on the rear of a class A
    "My driving scares me to."
    Mike & Lisa
    Central Florida
    2021 Imagine 2970RL
    1996 Chevy K3500 Crew SRW 7.4L Gas

  6. #196
    Site Sponsor SGT ROC's Avatar
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    A motorcycle officer stopped a man who ran a red light.

    The guy was a real jerk, demanding, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”

    The officer calmly told him of his violation.

    The man erupted in a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry and sexual orientation in explicit terms.

    The officer took it in stride, saying nothing. When he finished writing the citation, he put “AH” in corner and then handed it to the man to sign.

    The man demanded to know what “AH” meant.

    The officer stared straight into his eyes and said, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you were such an a$shole!” and then returned to his cruiser.

    The violator’s a bad record meant that he would lose his license, so he hired a hot-shot attorney to represent him.

    The defense attorney called the officer to the stand and asked, “Officer, is there any particular marking on this citation you don’t normally make?”

    “Why, yes, sir, there is. Near the bottom there’s an underlined ‘AH.'”

    “What does ‘AH’ stand for, officer?”

    “Aggressive and hostile, sir.”

    “Aggressive and hostile?”

    “Yes, sir.”

    “Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for ‘A$shole’?”

    The officer grinned, “Well, sir, you know your client better than I!”
    Bob (retired) & Vicki
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  7. #197
    Site Sponsor SGT ROC's Avatar
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    An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at a casino in Australia.

    She seemed a little intoxicated and bet $25,000 on a single roll of the dice.

    She said “I hope you don’t mind but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude”

    With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled “Come on baby, mama needs new clothes!”

    As the dice came to a stop she yelled “YES! YES!, I WON! I WON!”

    She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

    The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

    Finally one of them asked “What did she roll?”

    The other answered “I don’t know, I thought you were watching.”

    MORAL OF THE STORY Not all Irish are drunks, Not all blondes are dumb, But all men…are men.
    Bob (retired) & Vicki
    Scuba Diver
    US ARMY Vet (Go Cav!)
    2019 Reflection 31MB
    2019 Chevy 2500HD LT Crew Cab Gasser

  8. #198
    Site Sponsor SGT ROC's Avatar
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    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

    On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.”

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door to door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

    “Good morning, Ma’am”, he said, “I’ve come to…”

    “Oh, no need to explain, “Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, “I’ve been expecting you.”

    “Have you really?” said the photographer.

    “Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”

    “Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.”

    After a moment she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”

    “Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.”

    “Bathtub, living room floor! No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!”

    “Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.”

    “My, that’s a lot!” gasped Mrs. Smith.

    “Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.”

    “Don’t I know it,” said Mrs. Smith.

    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.

    “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said…

    “Oh, my Gosh!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

    “And these twins turned out exceptionally well. When you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”

    “She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.

    “Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.”

    “Four and five deep?” said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

    “Yes”, the photographer replied. “And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

    Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.”

    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh… equipment?”

    “It’s true, Ma’am, yes …

    Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod and we can get to work right away.”

    “Tripod?”

    “Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand very long.”

    Mrs. Smith fainted!
    Bob (retired) & Vicki
    Scuba Diver
    US ARMY Vet (Go Cav!)
    2019 Reflection 31MB
    2019 Chevy 2500HD LT Crew Cab Gasser

  9. #199
    Big Traveler
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    Teacher of a class of 16 year olds Mrs. Samson asks her class:
    "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10
    times its usual size when stimulated?"

    Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her
    way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body
    expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

    Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a
    question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who
    will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"

    Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted.

    She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.

    "Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson.

    "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."

    "Very good, Sam. Thank you."

    Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things
    to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework.
    Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are
    going to be sadly disappointed."

    2018 Dodge 3500 6.7 Cummins SRW w/Aisin
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    New to RV'ing since 1997

  10. #200
    Site Sponsor ajg617's Avatar
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    Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?


    Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees,

    Attachment 36852

    And he begins to think totally irrationally.

    Ever stop to wonder why? Well :

    It's because she smells like a new car!
    Robin & John
    2020 Ram 3500 LB SRW 4WD Crew Laramie 6.7HO Aisin, 55gal Titan
    2022 Solitude 310GK-R - Dual pane, factory solar & Onan, 8K axles with discs, 18K GVWR, W/D, Heat Pump, Goosebox, Battleborn

    2023 stays

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