Todays Chuckle

[Scott'n'Wendy]

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them to college."I
feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education,
and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to
appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000
into my coffin when I die."And so it happened.

His sons became a doctor, a financial planner and a lawyer, each
successful financially. When their father died and they saw him in
the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, the doctor stacked 10 crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the
deceased.

Next, the financial planner placed $1,000 there in 20 crisp $50
bills.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He slowly reached
into his pocket, removed his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000,
put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash. The lawyer
is now in gov't......

[Scott'n'Wendy]

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
_____________________________

[Scott'n'Wendy]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house.

So the next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell
of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on
the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a
heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over
and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is
doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all
blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the
house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can
and it said ...

“For best results, put on two coats”

[Second Chance]

This blonde decides one day...

Good one! Since we're on the topic, here's a two-fer:

1) A blonde was driving down a back road in the beautiful central Georgia countryside in her convertible one day. As she passed a pasture, she looked over and saw a woman - another blonde - sitting in the middle of the grassy field in an old rotten wooden boat. The driver of the convertible pulled over to the shoulder and backed up even with the boat. She got out and walked over to the fence and yelled to the woman in the boat, "Just what in the world are you doin', honey?" The woman in the boat yelled back, "I'm rowing, what does it look like?" The driver yelled back, "You're just the kind of person that gives us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd swim out there and beat the cr@p out of you!"

2) A blonde walked into a beauty shop to have her hair done. When she sat down in the chair, the operator told her she was going to have to take the earbuds out of her ears so that the wires wouldn't get cut during the haircut. The blonde responded, "I can't do that." After some back-and-forth, the operator reached over and gently removed the earbuds and put them in the blonde's lap. After a moment, the blonde lost consciousness, slumped, and slid out of the chair to the floor. The shop manager called 911 immediately. When the EMTs arrived, they found that the woman was in full cardiopulmonary arrest. While they were working on her, the operator picked up the earbuds and put one in her hear, only to hear, "Breath in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out..."

My late wife was a freckled redhead and Laura is a dark brunette - probably the only reason I have survived telling these jokes.

Rob

[Dakota]

Great jokes! My grandfather used to tell some amazing jokes. I miss him. I’ll never forget his last words... “are you still holding the ladder”?

[Second Chance]

Great jokes! My grandfather used to tell some amazing jokes. I miss him. I’ll never forget his last words... “are you still holding the ladder”?

One of my grandfathers had a good sense of humor, too. I'd like to go out like he did - in his sleep... not screaming and wailing like his passengers in the car.

Rob

[OurNewEra]

Saw this on a plaque in a store . . .

What doesn't kill you will make you STONGER.
Except Bears.
Bears will definitely kill you!!

[MoonShadow_1911]

Saw this on a plaque in a store . . .

What doesn't kill you will make you STONGER.
Except Bears.
Bears will definitely kill you!!

This is from a backpacker, me: this is the absolute truth!

Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk

[Scott'n'Wendy]

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch,
grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage and proceeded
to back out into a torrential down pour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 years replied,
'Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that crap?'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped golfing.

[Scott'n'Wendy]

I think all politicians should wear uniforms. You know, like
NASCAR drivers, so we can identify their corporate sponsors.