If a Life Tragedy Strikes, Are You Ready ?

[Steven@147]

A death of a family member, a lot of people do not like to speak about this topic but it is extremely important. Unfortunately we are having to deal with it. Tami's father passed away, suddenly, unexpectedly, in a different place than where they lived (60 miles away), he was 85 and a Master Mason. There was no time to speak to her father about his detailed information or final wishes, he had told us in the past he had it all taken care of and has a will.
We found not really because there are a lot of things that need to be taken care of other than burial. Tami's mother is surviving but also is 85 and has Alzheimer's / dementia and not really able to remember much or help with details. Tami's parents are old time RVers from way back but stopped several years ago. They toured our great country in their Wilderness and Prowler travel trailers. Tami and I are just now able to visit some of the places her parents visited back in the 80s.

Does your family know what your plans are and do you have detailed information archived? Do you have detailed information written down, stored in a safe place? Do you have a Safety Deposit Box, where, and where is the key? Do you have other lock boxes, and where are the keys or combinations? Do you have a will or living will? Executor, or Power of Attorney? Who is your insurance company, how do you contact them? Life Insurance (how much), Social Security, Military Service, investment companies, banks, pension plans, burial plots, head stones, cremation ,,,,, death certificates? Can you cancel automatic refill of prescriptions? Some of the things Tami and her Brother are dealing with. Some things are already taken care of, some are not. It's not easy dealing with these issues especially in these emotional times.

This brings up the question, do we have our detailed plans in place? We are fulltime RVers, are we prepared? We thought we did!

We have made a point to inform our two adult kids of our plans and each have a copy of our wills and there are copies in our RV safe. This tragedy has made us revisit our plans and we found some of our failures. We have changed vehicle insurance companies, changed financial institutions and didn't update our files in the safe with insurance company and bank names and how to access them. We failed to list our new FMCA RV vehicle insurance plan and what benefits there are, and truck vehicle insurance company and how to access or contact them, to get their names on the policies to move our RV if necessary while being covered. We failed to remove old outdated documents that would just confuse them. We have "black books" with all of the institution names we deal with, web site, login, passwords, but we did not tell our kids they exist or where these black books are. We failed to inform our kids of our go bag, what it looks like and where it is, where a lot of the information is.

A pretty basic failure of ours, our RV safe, where is it and how do you access it? By key or by digital combination? What is the safe combination, where is the safe key? Our children don't know. Each of our kids have a key to our RV so they can get inside and access storage areas, at least we got that right. We don't have an RV combination door lock. Will they have to move our RV, where is the 5th wheel pin lock key? We didn't tell them. Our children are also RVers and are familiar with towing, moving, setup, tear down but is there any other detailed information they need to know, its not listed.

We found some of our failures that would make it a lot easier for our kids to deal with a situation like this. Maybe our failures can jog a memory or two and make you think,,,,, humm.

 

[WhittleBurner]

Firrst, we are sorry for your loss. Planning is something we have talked about but have not officially done yet. Having only 1 adult child makes it easier but avoiding probate is important. We need to get on it, your post is a grim reminder of that. While we're aren't officially full time we are about 3/4 timers which makes planning all more important because when our time is up who knows where we could be.

 

[Dick Noble]

We have decided to be cremated. I would like a Masonic burial but it doesn't matter to me where. Read an interesting piece about cremation as opposed to burial. Dealt with belief about resurrection. Fellow said since God is all powerful, it will not matter. This should not be taken to be religious, just a life decision.

 

[Dick Noble]

I got to thinking about this thread. As we RVer's can be along in age, this is a very timely and important topic.

 

[Steven@147]

It's a topic I hesitated to post about, but with what we are going through with our family, I decided to go ahead, maybe it can be helpful. We have another family member that is going through chemo treatments and they will need help as well. And yes, It's a subject that gets put off a lot of times and some feel they have a lot of time, we don't need to do it right now, then reality hits. And it can be real costly, trust me!

Well in these days, we thought, age doesn't matter so much. Our planning isn't just in case of a death, it could be incapacitation (knee/hip replacement) or prolonged hospitalization, illness or cancer treatments. We are in our late 60s, in pretty good health but Tami has knee issues which could cause reduced mobility if she has to have her knee replaced. Our plan Example, we do have an FMCA RV insurance plan which includes (SkyMed) that can help if a situation arises and we are half way across the country, but our kids do not know that or how to use it.

We have what we thought was a good plan but we found holes in our plan. Where are the various lock keys, what are the lock combinations, is your RV TPMS, RVGPS, Rv Rear Camera all in a common place somewhere in the truck?
Another example - My Son asked me, if we have to go get your RV and move it, do you have instructions on how to work the leveling system? We could fumble around and figure it out, but some printed laminated quick notes would be helpful to us. Good Idea!

 

[Riverbug]

We have decided to be cremated. I would like a Masonic burial but it doesn't matter to me where. Read an interesting piece about cremation as opposed to burial. Dealt with belief about resurrection. Fellow said since God is all powerful, it will not matter. This should not be taken to be religious, just a life decision.

That's good, but I think the point here is whether or not the people who will carry out your wishes know about them, and everything else that goes along with handling your estate, etc., when you cannot.

 

[Riverbug]

I am glad you raised this point. My wife and I have been lucky to have parents that were willing to talk about these things well in advance. Her parents are both gone now. My Mother passed suddenly two years ago. My Dad will be 86 in a couple of weeks and he has been very forthcoming with his desires. I am on his bank accounts, was involved in getting his will put together, and know where pretty much everything is and how he wants the various real-estate and other assets divvied up. This will make it easier during the difficult times. My brother and I will not have to debate about what he would have wanted, whether he wanted to be cremated or buried, how he would have wanted assets handled. It is nice to know he loves us enough to want to ease the burden when he passes, and to have the difficult conversations while we are able.

 

[Eleven99]

It's a topic I hesitated to post about, but with what we are going through with our family, I decided to go ahead, maybe it can be helpful. We have another family member that is going through chemo treatments and they will need help as well. And yes, It's a subject that gets put off a lot of times and some feel they have a lot of time, we don't need to do it right now, then reality hits. And it can be real costly, trust me!

Well in these days, we thought, age doesn't matter so much. Our planning isn't just in case of a death, it could be incapacitation (knee/hip replacement) or prolonged hospitalization, illness or cancer treatments. We are in our late 60s, in pretty good health but Tami has knee issues which could cause reduced mobility if she has to have her knee replaced.

Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, we have had to experience almost all of what you mentioned right here and we had to have this discussion. Our youngest has been talked with and provided all of the information to access the information. She has access to or knows where to find the keys/codes just in case. We are not full timers as I cannot get rid of my home....but we are heavy seasonal rv'ers when a medical issue does not arise. BUT, I have to echo the sentiments in your original post. These discussions are super important not just to express your wishes but to assist those left behind without burdening them with debt to complete your wishes because of legal woes. It really pains me to see those funeral Go Fund Me requests when mere simple planning and discussions could have avoided many of these issues. Example: my mother in law feared death and would not talk about her plans or wishes to the very end. When it came time, it turned into a total.....well you can guess the word......show with everyone fighting when we should have been celebrating life. We vowed not to put our family through this by simply sitting everyone down. We hope that the both of you can find comfort and peace in knowing that Tami's father lived a wonderful life and is resting in peace!

 

[kb0zke]

We went through something similar a year ago. Jo Ann's brother died unexpectedly. He lived more than 1000 miles away from any of his siblings, with no spouse or children. He had left quite a bit of information with two of his siblings, but that wasn't all that was necessary. Although there were copies of the Will, they were not signed and there was no indication of where the signed document might be. Most things were taken care of pretty easily, but as the siblings went through his stuff they talked about what might be helpful to whoever has to deal with their deaths.

One that came up was online orders. We full-timers tend to make use of those a lot, but do we leave a written record of what is on order and the tracking number? If not, how would anyone know if a package is expected?

Jo Ann and I have had several hours of conversations about what information needs to be available, not only for the survivor of the two of us, but also for our children. We're working on a notebook that will have the "fixed" information (Wills, bank account information, etc.) and a list of outstanding orders and bills. That will be kept on the computers, so that it can be updated as needed.

 

[mwdilday]

Sorry for your loss. I know it can be a difficult time in many ways. Handling affairs is a marathon and not a race. I was executor and trustee for my father-in-law who passed away in December and I have just finished taking care of everything.

Personally my wife and I have a revocable trust and all the associated documents (living will, power of attorneys, healthcare directives, wills, etc, etc, etc). I have also create a "start here" document that I will be printing out for my wife and daughters. It contains all information they will need to get their hands on all of the information to take care of our affairs when I am gone. I want it to be very simple and pain free for them unlike what my father-in-law left me.

 

[AZMike]

The love of my life, Karen, passed away suddenly in her sleep in August. Luckily, we were home in Tucson, not on the road. She did have all of her affairs in order. I am still mourning, in shock, and I just feel lost. It made me realize that I need to finalize my wishes to make it easier for my two kids to deal with it when I go. I have always said that none of us are getting out of here alive.

 

[ajg617]

That's good, but I think the point here is whether or not the people who will carry out your wishes know about them, and everything else that goes along with handling your estate, etc., when you cannot.

Sadly, I've been deficient in that regard. Will, I have. Personal wishes I have not documented. I remember my mother handing me a letter late in life with her wishes including what music was played in the church (she was a professional singer). I haven't done any of that and shame on me to leave guessing up to my DW and children. Time to get something on paper. In today's digital world, even providing the p'word to my computer might give those that survive me some insights into their background and mine yet nobdy knows the p'word on my computer. Everything was written on paper for me - bit more challenging in the digital world (like getting rid of logins, accounts, etc.). I'd imagine that full-timers might have some additional complications to address.

 

[Redapple63]

A death of a family member, a lot of people do not like to speak about this topic but it is extremely important. Unfortunately we are having to deal with it. Tami's father passed away, suddenly, unexpectedly, in a different place than where they lived (60 miles away), he was 85 and a Master Mason. There was no time to speak to her father about his detailed information or final wishes, he had told us in the past he had it all taken care of and has a will.
We found not really because there are a lot of things that need to be taken care of other than burial. Tami's mother is surviving but also is 85 and has Alzheimer's / dementia and not really able to remember much or help with details. Tami's parents are old time RVers from way back but stopped several years ago. They toured our great country in their Wilderness and Prowler travel trailers. Tami and I are just now able to visit some of the places her parents visited back in the 80s.

Does your family know what your plans are and do you have detailed information archived? Do you have detailed information written down, stored in a safe place? Do you have a Safety Deposit Box, where, and where is the key? Do you have other lock boxes, and where are the keys or combinations? Do you have a will or living will? Executor, or Power of Attorney? Who is your insurance company, how do you contact them? Life Insurance (how much), Social Security, Military Service, investment companies, banks, pension plans, burial plots, head stones, cremation ,,,,, death certificates? Can you cancel automatic refill of prescriptions? Some of the things Tami and her Brother are dealing with. Some things are already taken care of, some are not. It's not easy dealing with these issues especially in these emotional times.

This brings up the question, do we have our detailed plans in place? We are fulltime RVers, are we prepared? We thought we did!

We have made a point to inform our two adult kids of our plans and each have a copy of our wills and there are copies in our RV safe. This tragedy has made us revisit our plans and we found some of our failures. We have changed vehicle insurance companies, changed financial institutions and didn't update our files in the safe with insurance company and bank names and how to access them. We failed to list our new FMCA RV vehicle insurance plan and what benefits there are, and truck vehicle insurance company and how to access or contact them, to get their names on the policies to move our RV if necessary while being covered. We failed to remove old outdated documents that would just confuse them. We have "black books" with all of the institution names we deal with, web site, login, passwords, but we did not tell our kids they exist or where these black books are. We failed to inform our kids of our go bag, what it looks like and where it is, where a lot of the information is.

A pretty basic failure of ours, our RV safe, where is it and how do you access it? By key or by digital combination? What is the safe combination, where is the safe key? Our children don't know. Each of our kids have a key to our RV so they can get inside and access storage areas, at least we got that right. We don't have an RV combination door lock. Will they have to move our RV, where is the 5th wheel pin lock key? We didn't tell them. Our children are also RVers and are familiar with towing, moving, setup, tear down but is there any other detailed information they need to know, its not listed.

We found some of our failures that would make it a lot easier for our kids to deal with a situation like this. Maybe our failures can jog a memory or two and make you think,,,,, humm.

Thanks for sharing. Very sorry for your loss. This is a very important topic for pretty much any adult who has a significant other and/or family. We are very deficient in this area. We plan on setting up a living trust next year to relay all of those important wishes, finances, properties etc.. My mom passed in 2016 but was very prepared. Her planning made it easy for us to care for her through her illness and carry out her wishes.

Bill

 

[Redapple63]

The love of my life, Karen, passed away suddenly in her sleep in August. Luckily, we were home in Tucson, not on the road. She did have all of her affairs in order. I am still mourning, in shock, and I just feel lost. It made me realize that I need to finalize my wishes to make it easier for my two kids to deal with it when I go. I have always said that none of us are getting out of here alive.

Very sorry to hear of your loss. I can’t even begin to understand how hard that is.


Bill

 

[Riverbug]

Sadly, I've been deficient in that regard. Will, I have. Personal wishes I have not documented. I remember my mother handing me a letter late in life with her wishes including what music was played in the church (she was a professional singer). I haven't done any of that and shame on me to leave guessing up to my DW and children. Time to get something on paper. In today's digital world, even providing the p'word to my computer might give those that survive me some insights into their background and mine yet nobdy knows the p'word on my computer. Everything was written on paper for me - bit more challenging in the digital world (like getting rid of logins, accounts, etc.). I'd imagine that full-timers might have some additional complications to address.

That's a very good point regarding our digital "lives" these days. I started using a password management program about 15 years ago when I was a product manager for a safety and security partnership. I just looked and between my wife and I we have 247 accounts with passwords. We also have "safenotes" stored which include additional passwords and account information that are not specifically for website accounts. The nice thing about this type of setup is that should anything happen to one of us, the other knows exactly where to find all the the account credentials for everything we have.

Now I know some will say that if the password management system gets hacked, someone will have access to all of our accounts. I won't go into detail, but there are strong encryptions in place. And the same can be said for every account out there. So whether or not you choose to believe these programs are safe enough is up to you to decide. But I'll just say that I have an IT and security background and am confident in the specific tool we use and for what we're talking about here, it's a huge help. In addition, if you are one to use the same passwords for multiple accounts because it is too hard to remember them all, or you write your passwords down on paper, these tools solve that issue because you never have to remember a password except your master password. Don't forget what it is though because everything is encrypted so there's no way to contact someone at the company to retrieve it; they cannot decipher it or any of the other passwords you store. The one we have been using is Roboform. But there are several out there these days. Just something to consider.

 

[Steven@147]

Thank you to everyone, for your sentiments and my sincere condolences to those who have experienced a loss.

I've been through this three times now with parents. You would think I (We) would have learned by now to keep our affairs in order, but we found some of our deficiencies.
I've almost completed updating our information for our kids, including quick notes on how to move our RV if necessary. In case our situation includes injury and a partial or total loss of our rig, we have included information for our kids to help handle the situation if necessary.
It came to my mind that if we had something like "One Control" it could complicate the process. We don't have it and I don't know how it works, but would someone need access to a phone paired with the One Control system? I don't know. Something for others to think about.

For us fulltimers, it can be a little more of a daunting task. Planning. We never really know where or when we will get off the road. Sometimes it is not of our choosing, sometimes it is.....

 

[Riverbug]

Thank you to everyone, for your sentiments and my sincere condolences to those who have experienced a loss.

I've been through this three times now with parents. You would think I (We) would have learned by now to keep our affairs in order, but we found some of our deficiencies.
I've almost completed updating our information for our kids, including quick notes on how to move our RV if necessary. In case our situation includes injury and a partial or total loss of our rig, we have included information for our kids to help handle the situation if necessary.
It came to my mind that if we had something like "One Control" it could complicate the process. We don't have it and I don't know how it works, but would someone need access to a phone paired with the One Control system? I don't know. Something for others to think about.

For us fulltimers, it can be a little more of a daunting task. Planning. We never really know where or when we will get off the road. Sometimes it is not of our choosing, sometimes it is.....

At least on our model, having One Control allows you to do all the things on your phone that you can do on the control panel. So, you do not need the phone app or any credentials to control the RV, it's just a convenience. Maybe there are different versions of One Control that I'm not aware of though.

 

[Tony_in_AZ]

This subject can have different levels of emotions if plans are in place or not. My wife and I have plans in place if there is a survivor which is kinda easy , currently no plans if we both go at once. I have seen the smooth and rough sides of family deaths. Often final plans are in a state of flux as things change.

We had plans in place if we both go at once.. Then Our only child died suddenly in december 2017 at age 44 with undiagnosed heart disease. We have 5 grandkids from 26 to 12.. None of them could deal correctly with financial stuff, they would whiz it away. Their mother is a 3 time drug rehab loser, so she is out. We had some extra hard assets besides cash in the bank.. That has all been sold cept for what we live or travel in now.

 

[Terry.Machelle]

We bought a spiral bound book on Amazon called, “I’m dead, now what”. One place for everything our kids or spouse would need to deal with. But now we will put instructions for moving our rig as well. Thank you for bringing that up.

 

[mwdilday]

This subject can have different levels of emotions if plans are in place or not. My wife and I have plans in place if there is a survivor which is kinda easy , currently no plans if we both go at once. I have seen the smooth and rough sides of family deaths. Often final plans are in a state of flux as things change.

We had plans in place if we both go at once.. Then Our only child died suddenly in december 2017 at age 44 with undiagnosed heart disease. We have 5 grandkids from 26 to 12.. None of them could deal correctly with financial stuff, they would whiz it away. Their mother is a 3 time drug rehab loser, so she is out. We had some extra hard assets besides cash in the bank.. That has all been sold cept for what we live or travel in now.

Sorry for your loss [MENTION=46200]Tony_in_AZ[/MENTION]. I am not an attorney or financial planner or anything like that but I do have some experience in dealing with trusts over the years. If I were you I would set up a separate trust for each of your grandkids bypassing the mother if she has drug problems. A Trustee could administer the trusts investments and give them amounts for specific purposes like education, healthcare, etc. Depending on the amount in each trust an allowance could be given annually. Good luck.